i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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