Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
