I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
