so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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