he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
