You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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