he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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