Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
