it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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