Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
