Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
