so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
