dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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