her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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