Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
