Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
