I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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