You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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