I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
