Where is the hickey?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
