where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
