I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
