Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We got so high we made milksteak
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
