I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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