I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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