You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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