don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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