so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
