Soap is not a condiment
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
