She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
