Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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