He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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