i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
