ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
