I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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