If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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