I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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