Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its about making memories worth repressing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
