I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
