Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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