strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
