this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
