this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
