i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
