Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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