Apparently you make a good broom.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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