it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
