At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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