The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
