If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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