I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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