Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
