She's JV to your varsity
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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