He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize