If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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