i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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