Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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