Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
