I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
