somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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