just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
