I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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