I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
