i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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