Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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