She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
false alarm. still invincible.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
