i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
