Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize