omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
