Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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