Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
