I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
