did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Panties = found
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