I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
