ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
