I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
