Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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