It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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