Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
