Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm always down for nudity.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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