When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
