my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
