In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
