watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need moral support for this bender
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
