I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
