i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
