He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
