I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
