omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
