So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize