Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
