Michael Bay diarrhea
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
