I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize