census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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