guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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