This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
