If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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