people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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