i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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