He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This baby is an asshole
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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