I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
