I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
